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okay. yesterday. Okay yesterday was debbie downer but today I'm feeling better so I'll see what lies ahead and not plan my future in a day. What will be will be, I'm going to do my best!
More Over: The over reacting Jamala kicked in but one thing I should not have done was delete the blog. I should not feel bad for feeling bad. My youngest sister is hurting very much so right now and she's afraid to tell our mother. Her reasoning is that she doesn't' want to get in trouble for feeling sad. Of course there is alot more to it, but if something is bothersome or doesn't align with how we feel, we should let our emotions be known. Feel through whatever pain there is and work through it. That's how you get through stuff. Surpressing it only makes things worse. I should not have deleted the blog though I feel it did no one help but me, but I do remember what I wrote so I'll write it again in a journal or something. Besides that, when I over react, I think of it anyway so it shouldn't be too bad. The good news is that I've been working on some stuff since 5 and have at least something to turn in for my watercolor final. That certainly is good news. I missed Oprah and the Obama's last night. Point: Cry. Also, I do not regret the time I spent with people in lue of doing my classwork. If I never be what I want to be its okay. A career comes after interpersonal relationships and most certainly after seeking the Lord. (sidenote: I'm excited about my repenting essay)
Philadephia. The movie "Philadephia" with Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington is on Bravo network now. I feel like I wrote that before. This movie is so good.
(Point - Black people nor any other ethnic minority should accept the quality of being "articulate" as a compliment. (I've ranted this before.)) I've been thinking alot about time, about grace, and about repenting. Point: To call my complete and full requires a very high order.
Awake. don't open your eyes transpiring. I think I meant to write grim.
Today there is an all company meeting in which we will discuss how to make things more efficient and money saving. I want to propose a 3-week look ahead schedule like most construction companies have. I know this is a non-profit and all but that doesn't mean we don't need to plan things as if we aren't. All our stuff is based on outside resources which makes it a bit tougher opposed to knowing what's in house, but then again maybe I don't know what's really going on. The best thing about working for a non-profit is that I can get as many days off as I want. My work is based on how many hours I complete. Nice. I still like John Legend. Super handsome. Playing his "Selfish" remix from slum village and kanye.
grime to good. I'm drugged up now. I forget the name of the meds I'm on. I've had some form of a drug in my system all year. Legal and illegal. I'm not proud of the illegal ones or even the legal ones. I haven't seen the organic me for a while, but the good thing is that I won't have any more migranes due to tooth ache. They took it out. Yep, bloody mouth all day and the insurance from work was fair for a PPO plan. I don't know much about insurance but it just seemed fair.
The good news is that I went to a different dentist and from the moment I walked in the office I felt very comfortable. I don't know if it was all the black entertainment magazines or because its so close to my house, or because the office is all black owned but I felt good. The dentist had plenty of articles about himself displayed on the walls in the office. The articles ranged from the Essence, to Jet, to the local paper to other stuff. Mr. Modesty! Plus there were random pics of him and famous people like Bill Clinton. Then of course a random Obama pic was around. The bad news is that I have 6 cavities. None of these were addressed or even discussed at the last dentist I went to. Surely, not all of these teeth were corrodding in the last 6 months. It took those idiots 3 months to fix one tooth which resulted in not caring or even concerning themselves with informing me what was going on with the rest of my mouth. I am very pissed about that. I almost wanted to be impressed by my experience today in comparison to my last dentist. But the truth is I should not be impressed that someone does his job. Its when they exceed my expectations am I impressed. I expected them to do their job well, but I did not expect for them to give me a free cleaning so that was a plus. They were prompt, it took only one time to take pictures of my teeth that didn't result in me crying. And the dentist was not a smart alec. When I look at my physicians I can tell whether they care about me or care about their jobs. I am not an ailment, day of week, item after lunch, insurance policy, or chart. Some people get it and some people don't. The way my new financial situation is looking, it seems that I will have to do a tooth each pay period or save up to get them all at once which may take longer. Either way I really do want to get my mouth taken care of (correctly). The good news is that I still have a charming smile :) Still. A Very Good Day. Good morning!
Christmas. "Someday at Christmas men won't be boys Christmas Playlist:
morning thoughts. Its easy to go along with something when it agrees with you, but when it challenges what you believe it forces you to change some things about yourself in order for you to grow with it.
I had a dream my youngest sister was getting married and we were all going to watch her boyfriends football game. They were getting married in the top section of the bleachers (lmao). My cousins and aunts that were at my other sister's wedding was there. They all looked nice but I was in regular clothes because I didn't realize what was going on. I thought it was a regular football game. Ironically, my sister told me yesterday that her ex-boyfriend and father of her child doesn't want to be with her anymore. She's heartbroken and sent me some text about it. She's also blasting her emotions on FB (not a good idea). I feel sad for her. No one enjoys their heart being ripped out of there chest. Don't you ever wish you could just make someone feel better or make yourself? The worst is that she's the most sensative of us all so she's liable to do...i don't know. She's just really sensative. Plus she has the passing out thing. (Now look at that bay-bee! ;( The good news is that she's attractive and young. She will also get over this thing though she doesn't see it now. It must be strange to love someone who doesn't want to be with you, then have to constantly look at a little person walking around in your presences that looks just like them. Its raining outside. I fell asleep off of boondock saints, and I don't think B1 was happy. But when I got in the house after me and B1's laugh-o-pallousa, B2 was already watching a movie. I didn't want to kick her off. Its just selfish. Then we started the movie when he came over but it didn't go anywhere. I was sleep within an hour. Before we went to the football game in my dream, I also dreamed that my mom and stepdad had to move back into our old 2 bedroom apartment. It actually is less than a quarter of a mile from where they live now. Four girls and one consistant parent in a small two bedroom. I wonder how my mom did some things. (superwoman i guess). Anyway, my mom was talking about gettin digital instead of cable bc you get more channels. If they were moving back to poor at least they would have good tv. Miami vice was on but somehow we were also in the show and the white detective had on a thin creme blazer. I remember thinking, "isn't he hot, we're in Miami" - transistion to football game scene. Point: Things fall apart sometimes. They can mend. If we choose.
December 3, 2009 I'd have to say that what I like best about where I work is the fact that we start each morning with prayer. You can't find very many places to work that do that. Most of the americorp crew went to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra tonight. I didn't go, because I don't have any money. I slept a good bit, then woke up tried to figure some stuff out on the computer and cleaned up a bit. I had spaggetti for dinner and I like angel hair pasta the best. The spaggetti tasted fine considering its been in the freezer for about a month. Just the sause. The noodles were fresh.
Life is so good. I mean life is really good. I'm thinking and enduring sporadic pain throughout my days and by the grace of God, I have incredible hope that things will get better. I know things can get alot worse, and I'm in a sour spot in my life considering where I came from, but recognizing that and knowing I can grow is the best part. I listened to a sermon online about growing tonight. I missed it when I went to my mom's house for the weekend, one of these two weekends. One of the women from fellowship is in the hospital from pneumonia. I need to see her sometime soon. At least call her. Christmas music has been on everywhere. Its good. Last night was rough. I don't really know how it came about, but I went to bed pretty happy and relaxed. Point: I want to write more but I'm pretty tired and need to shower up for bed.
late night. I wrote an blog earlier yesterday about the chapters to come but it erased. It was before I went to sleep for the night and before I woke up in the middle of the night. Basically, it appears that things are once again going on a downward spiral. The Debra Cox theroy of how I got here will be disgused.
The thing closes to me now, is my heath. Basically, my oral health is in jeopardy. I get a headache everyday at least twice a day. When I don't take any medicine it feels like a migraine. This headache stems from the terrible dental work I had done earlier in the year that took forever. When the dentist put in the new and improved tooth on the bottom the one on top was in direct jeopardy that I am feeling now. The insurace I have isn't that good, and I'm not sure it covers a significant part if any for dental. I'm pretty upset now and awake and don't feel that I can do much until my other financial situation is rectified. I just took steps to consolidate my credit on Monday, so that is one good thing. In terms of socioeconomics, poor people usually have poor health. Bad teeth and/or overweight. Chapters to Come: 1. The book I've been reading lately about drugs 2. The concept of food deserts 3. Time 4. Consolidating Debt: How did I get here? 5. How to stay debt free your whole life: The Larry Lott Approach 6. Women with check lists and the men whom fear them 7. How to sustain and maintain a low-income community Point: I forgot the other topics I wrote previous. Right now I'll try to go back to bed and not sulk and vent here on the blog. Referrence Mark: The headaches have been going on for about 3 weeks now.
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