Tonight I'm suppose to hang out with... I'll just call him Leo.  He has the same birthday as my sister, August 8th.  He works at my job.  Check mark one, he has a job.  If I were to describe what I know of him so far I'd say, he's a regular guy.

The first time we hung out, I slept over (no sex) and didn't want to leave his house anyway since he's in Orlando and the drive back home would be around 35 minutes.  I also had to smironof's which made me lax.  We had Denny's and watched Get Rich or Die Trying on his laptop.  Yeah, I know real romantic, but apparently, I can't seem to snag a guy that owns a DVD player.  They all want to watch movies on their laptops.

Anyway, Leo just seems like a nice guy.  Mainly because he didn't try to have sex with me or make out with me.  Any time a guy respects you without you forcing him to, its a good thing.  But I'm pretty sure what I like most about him is his califorina king size bed.  Its soooo comfortable.  Sometimes its not about going out and dinner and conversation and being deep and honest and open and trying to make a relationship happen.  Its about how comfortable do you feel in someones presence and could you just simply sleep next to this person and enjoy it.  For the later part, I mark "very".

On the flip side, some people at work think Leo is weird.  I secretly think, "well, thats okay because I'm weird to."  As long as that weirdness isn't "I'm a secret killer, I'm crazy or I'm a pedofile." he's alright with me.

I also like that he has two other jobs besides the one I work with him at.  His apartment is pretty nice, but boy'd up meaning little furniture and little to no food in the fridge.

Anyway, we'll see how tonight goes but I don't feel like eating out so I think I might make him some dinner.  Breakfast for dinner.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

My dream last night was that I was a bit lost in NYC.  I prayed to God to lead me to a highway and as I'm walking down the street and turn the corner, I immediatey see the blue and white highway sign "Interstate 420" with an arrow pointing to the right.  I'm excited to realize where the highway is, but I also have to make it back to my car.  I'm running to get my car and look like a random jogger.  There are other joggers on the street sort of wearing the same outfit I have on.  I'm still a bit lost looking for my car but the heavily apparent landmark in the dream is a huge cream and light brown church in the center of the neighborhood I'm in.  I'm thinking "If I can make it to that church, I'll know where I am and can make it to my car."   Pause....

The church is a metaphor for my spiritual relationship as of late, meaning I've missed quite a few Sunday sessions of church.  Spiritually a bit lost, but knowing how to be found and get in the right direction.  Highway 420 = marijuana.

Skip scene and back track.  I'm with my parents in a delicious food restaurant in the city and as we order the food we realize that everything is reasonably priced for the quality of meal.  When we get the check, it reflects a much higher price $130.00 to be exact.  The extra money we paid for was not the food but the ambiance.  The restaurant was an amber color. 

Translation.  Superman was in NYC last week and posted a bunch of pictures on FB.  I'm sure he's becoming less interested in me since I'm not putting out, I'm not that interested in him (at the moment) and we're too much alike.  We think too much.  In the end, I can tell when someone else has caught someone elses interest because men don't pursue you like they once did.  Maybe they just give up.  I know it sounds silly and unreasonable, but I want a guy that wants to pursue me before and after he's got me.  Once they've got you its like "boom, I can rest easy, she's not going anywhere."  Well my friend, think again.

Random, but I'm not sure men fully grasp that most women and I do mean Most, don't get an orgasim through regular intercourse.  They don't seem to understand the physical make-up of the opposite sex noting that an orgasim could be achieve two-inches in with two fingers.  Idiots.

I also like Leo, because he gives off the vibe that he's not very experienced with women.  Not gay or anything, just not out trying to bang everything with a skirt.  I like this because then I can tell him what I want.  Men that have lots of sex think they know what they're doing and since their ego is big and delicate, if I come along and say what the twenty previous women haven't it probably wouldn't be well recieved.

Eventual sex or not, my goal is to sleep in the california king bed as much as possible. :)

The Holidays are a time to reflect on the year past.  Think of the things we'd like to do better, or things we would like to start doing.

Personally, parts of my year have been absolute hell.  I owe the IRS about three grand, I wound up in a mental hospital for depression and suicidal thoughts, stayed in a relationship with a girl i didn't really like.  I learned that a good friend of mine had not walked in nearly eight months...I think some othe shit happened that wasn't the greatestest but on the upside:

I got my family together for pictures for the first time in...well, since we've all been a complete family.  I went to the Disney dream conference which changed and helped my perspective on the goodness of God and His divine presence in my life.  Now no one can tell me God is not real.  I completed the "A brush with Kindness" program for Habitat for Humanity.  Went on a couple of dates with the opposite sex.  Got a job and help with my car.  And very good financial help from a friend in Colorado.

When you're walking down a lonely road it seems that nothing and no one can help you.  You're problems seem to big to handle and too petty to expose and tell other people.  But if something isn't right, if its not working, you have to say something, tell someone, speak, ask for help do something, get out of bed and act.

I never thought I'd say this but, spending a week in a mental facility is one of the best things that could have happened to me.  I'm not saying I'm happy I was in there but I'm saying that it was of some benefit.  When your are around the truly mental ill, your craziness doesn't seem as crazy.

Anyway, the new year is great.  It gives people something to look forward to.

I don't plan to keep alot of my money in the bank and I plan on smoking more pot.

Happy New Year.

I went to visit my best friend that I had a dream about.  I dreamt she could walk and when I woke up I was sad because I realized she couldn't.  But when I went to visit her in the re-hab center, it turns out that she actually can stand up on her own and get out of bed herself and YES!..walk, just a tad bit to get in her wheel chair.  I'm so happy I want to cry.

But then my recent ex-girlfriend called and I said I would send her a christmas card.  And she liked that and said we should talk more often.  Then the meeting at work went well by which I get a time and a half bonus for my extra work on the programming scheme to make life easier at work.  Yes!

The I called my other best friend to tell her I was excited about my other best friend.  My other guy best friend text "Nice!" when I told him about the good news at my meeting.

The boss showed us the new office, and I get my own desk and I'm going to bring in a plant from the house.  Then my other ex I sent a message to, she actually sent one back and then I got happy again. :)

And with all this great news in such a short time, my day went from good to Hell Yeah!

And my friend thats getting married, is having a birthday party this weekend.  Hell Yeah!

I've run out of my perscription.  That should make me a little nervous, which it does but I'm not sure.  I should see a counselor here pretty soon if I wish to get a refill.  I have an important meeting about the forms I've been doing in about two hours.  The good news is that I spend about 2-hours yesterday working on them and understanding them as I see fit.  That should buy me a weeks time.  I didn't make the gingerbread house with my nieces I had thought about.  We're taking a family portrait in the park next weekend.  Its in Altamonte Springs by the river, but this park that my church group meets at everyweek to run, by which I haven't gone yet.

Superman is focused on school and working out.  The birthday twin is ignoring my request for marijuana because thats pretty much all I want from him.  I sent a message to my black sexy ex and recieved no response.  I had a dream she responded.  From my ex-wife ex, I got a voicemail dated, 5:14 AM.  She talked so long the voicemail cut off, but I responded via facebook and text.  My response was something like, "I will always love you.  We can count on each other if need be."  I talked to my recent former ex thats in Denver now.  I told her, I pass a tattoo parlor everyday on my way to work that says her name.  She liked that.

Today is a beautiful warm December day in central Florida.

One of my bestfriends lives is leaving for Africa next week.  We're suppose to do a gift exchange this weekend before she leaves.  Party, then go to church.  I haven't gotten any presents yet.  I'm buying my parents a washer and dryer for Christmas.  Its used.  My other best friend is still in the hospital and can't walk.  I haven't gone to visit her yet.  I had a dream she could walk.  When I woke up I was sad...again.  My other best friend is Maryland and I wish she was around, to sit with and watch a movie.  My other best friend is in Colorado and I wish he was around to do the same.

I denied the invitation to be a groomsmen in my friends wedding.  She's gay and is marrying a girl.  I feel awful for denying it, Even though I'm happy she's found happiness and love worth committing to.  I have questions.  What kind of friend am I. 

The credits for this movie I've been tunning in and out of called, "Beginners" are rolling.  I should get ready for work.

A good man is hard to find.  My stepdad pissed me off, then left the house.  To go smoke a joint I'm sure.  My mom, didn't say anything, because that's what some women do who are committed to their men however wrong he is.  This isn't about who was right or wrong, its a question of perspective and leadership.

If the man is the leader then he'd better lead right.  If I believe in one thing and my leader believes in another, how are we build and accomplish and stand?  Where does our common footings lie beyond our physical feelings that are sometimes fleeting.

I'm fickle I know, but even in my tempremental state, God is one thing I know for sure.  God is whom I pray to.  God is whom I rely on in my darkest hour.  God is whom I praise when things go well.  God is whom I look toward for answers.  If I fall in love with someone whom doesn't give a shit about the one certainty that calls my soul (not a fucking religion or a cult) G.O.D, then when times get bad or feelings fade or there is doubt, what happens?

I don't understand how you could live with you, without the recognition that there is something beyond you.  I have an understanding that sometimes, I am not enough.  There is only so much my being can do, take, or give.  I am but human.

1.  Motivation to leave home: Sex.
Not that I'm having sex on a consistant basis, but that hinderance has little to nothing to do with my everyday appeal.  Having sex in this house kind of seems gross to me, as a grown woman.

2.  I just kind of think I'm getting on my parents nerves.

3.  I'm an adult.

Writing is a solitary function.

Writing requires thought or none.

Writing is something you do when you have no one to talk to.

Writing is the uniform of text messages.

Writing is where dreams are formulated, realized, documented.

Writing is something I like doing.

B1 and I were in an apartment about to smoke a dubbie with Bob Marley.  The real Bob Marley.  Our other friend is there and she says she's going to take a bath down the hall.

I take a hit of a small bud and my eyes get watery and I start to throw up.  The joint didn't cause this reaction, there was a small liquid cerum that Bob took with his hit and that I took with mine but it caused me great discomfort.  After vomiting I decide to take a bath to clean myself up, and Bob and B1 are still on the couch.  Our other friend is in the other bathroom, and I choose the bathroom close to the living room.

The water in the bath is about halfway full, but its not regular water, its warm salt water.  I know this because I taste it for some reason.  Anyway, I get out the bath and try to keep this yellow towel wrapped around my wet naked body.  The truth is that in waking life I use a yellow towel when I bath daily.

After the towel and all that I go to the other bathroom my other friend was in and start doing something with the tub.  Maybe trying to drain the water, but I have these icecream sandwiches B1 asks me about and I think two of them fell in the water of the bath but I shout back to him that its like three sandwiches left that didn't fall in the water.  This is good.

1.  Never tell people your goals or your plans.  Keep them to yourself.  Studies prove that you are more likely to reach your goals if you keep them to yourself.  When people talk about "what they gonna do", instead of keeping them accountable, it gives them a false sense of accomplishment by professing it, as if they've already reached it.  You want to do something.  Damn it do it.

2.  Think about you.  Who am I?  What do I want out of life?  What do I need to be successful?  What kind of image am I projecting right now.  If you don't take the time to care about you and your life, no one else will.  Its stricking how many women find men attractive that have no interest in them and visa versa.  Why is this?  Precisely for that reason.  If you have other stuff going on besides looking for love (in all the wrong places), it interest people, like "what do you have going on that doesn't involve me?"

3.  Be careful and remember the good book.  I have a tendancy of giving to much to a situation that I can not control and doesn't affect me directly.  I have to be careful to not be like my mother too much and carry people that need to walk by themselves.  At the same time, I shant replicate my father and not recognize or acknowledge a blatant cry and need for help.  It has to be a steady even balance between the two.

4.  Dream.  Dreams have been abundantly imporatant to me my whole life and at this latter part, perhaps the last three years I have been having more happy dreams and very few nightmares.

5.  Rest.  Its good for the soul.

This morning I was climbing a mountain with my sisters and my parents were at the top of the mountain, running by us and were in very good shape.  I was proud of my parents.  We were hanging on pretty tough at some steep cliff points but my older sister realized that even if we feel, we would end up back on the mountain and not die because "the electrodes in our body draw us to the cliff through gravity".  This is almost verbatuim in my dream.

By the end of the climb, I remember reaching the top...then I woke up.

The predeccesor to the mountain/cliff dream was me being at Disney World's dolphin and swan hotel and giving directions to folks on how to get out of the amusement park.

1.  Let's tackle the mountain dream first.

Mountains represent the higher planes of conciousness and that you are in touch with your thinking and with higher dimensions of reality.(i.e. all these blogs about dreaming).

Climbing and almost falling, means I am on the slippery slope of success and is parallel with climbing the corporate ladder in my career.  The program conversion at work is a long-term undertaking and takes up most of my daily work related thinking.

To have reached the top of the mountain, means I feel like I have risen above the common routines of life and achieved something with spiritual meaning. (or desire to).  That's true.

I think me seeing my parents run by in great shape, means that I view them as already achieved their goals.  They are at their peak in life but I still have time.

2.  Giving directions.

Let it be known, that in waking life I am not that good at giving directions.  "To dream that you are giving directions refers to your goals and search for purpose.  You are on a path toward self realization." - what does my dream mean.net